Look For it Here


Where Your Head Used To Be

I could stand looking for hours
At the dent you left for me
In the pillow next to mine
Where your head used to be
The only thing you left behind
Is just a temporary memory
Never wanting to erase it
Where your head used to be
The angels came and took you
Far away from me
Now all I have is the impression
Of were your head used to be
I know that if I move it
The dent I will no longer see
I never want to lose the place
Where your head used to be
I guess that I should make the bed
And set your spirit free
But I will always remember
Where your head used to be


He Fears Me

Clearly he feared me, or was it fear of himself. 
Untouched flesh that goosebumps covered 
From the sensation of my breath, 
upon the sultry scented neck he possessed.  
Clearly he desired me, Aspired to acquire me 
Yet, he clearly feared me, 
Perhaps he could see the duality of my personality, 
evil and good. 


She Remembered {Part 1} A short story collab with Juan Johnson

She stumbles into the door as if to be in a drunken haze. She known she hadn't drank anything and in fact remembers sitting on that God awful bench. It had the look that screamed termites and a stinch that you would surely mistake for a men's urinal at a local truck stop. She knew that she remembers being at the bus stop waiting for the #10 bus. She's had a long day at work and was more ready than ever to just get home bathe and engage in a little R&R. Customer service is a shitty position but she always made sure each customer left with a smile. She was never a socialite and not the most popular in high school. Back then it was her thin frame and slinky build that made her the target of the pickings. She was surely to be the bud of the cliques and the ousting of the geeks. She grew to live the story of The Ugly Duckling and although she had managed to gained a few pounds and curves in a couple of place, she was never able to grow out of the stigma small town life had given her.

She made her way to the bathroom, trying to make sense of what just happened. She was drawing a total blank. Her body ached, her legs were sore and her shoulders feel like they had been ripped from her body. Her finger were bloody and covered in dirt and there was a nagging burning sensation between her legs as if she had sex the very moment she sat down on that ridden bench. She had felt this feeling before but hadn't felt it in a long time. Not since prom night her senior year. She remembers so vividly because that was the night she lost her virginity. She really didn't want to lose it to Bobby Wellington but she felt like she was the only one of her senior class who had not had sex. After she hit her junior year and her body brought her the respect and attention she so wanted, she vowed to herself she would never feel like the outsider again. But Bobby wasn't it, nor was "It" right. She hadn't figured out what went wrong but she promised herself the next time would be with someone she loved and cared for. Some that would love and care for her back. But she Knew for a fact she hadn't sex but had she fallen off the bus, she wondered.



Angry as hell
But I can’t
Cry and let it out cause I
Don’t want anyone to realize that
Even though I may seem strong outside I really am
Frightened and scared to know that I may never
Get to truly be
Happy cause my real feelings are stored on the
Inside. So I laugh it off as if it’s a
Joke and I’m only just
Kidding around. I really need to stop this because I’m
Letting it control
My everyday life. I need to go back to feeling
Normal and try to
Overcome this pain that’s forever
Promising to not let me get up. I want to go back to my
Quintessence where life was understood and rarely
Reviewed because I always knew what
Steps I was going to
Take next. And I always
Understood what my
Very purpose
Was here on this world. But now I’m feeling like a
Xenophobe. Like I hate all people but myself when what I’m really
Yearning for is someone to
Zap me back to reality.


Soul Stealing

I cant sleep
Because my nightmares stole my soul
And my worst dream wont give it back
Hope is a form of greed in which I lack
Guilt a burden that follows
Allowing my tears to be swallowed 

into my pillow
Pain in my orions belt
Allows me to remember each scar I felt
Holding myself
I shiver

Lips quiver



The streets made me want to eat, 
it made me not want to sleep 
it made me want to creep. 
The streets taught me how hustle, 
& how survive recession 
the great depression, 
the streets taught me many lessons 
and most important everyday living you should take it as a blessing.

No Place Like Home

You raised hell in my
Emerald city turned
Every yellow brick
Road black and stumbled
Down its path
Drunk like a proverbial skunk.
You weren't short on brains
But you were no scarecrow either
More of a illusionist than a deceiver
Enchanted by fairy tales casting spells
Intrigued by the unknown.
I eased on down
Eased on down
Eased on down



I digress from my normal posts to a bit of free rhyme
These are the things I am thankful for in my life at this time:

I am thankful for my abusive father who made me grow strong to survive

I am thankful for that which nearly killed me so I appreciate being alive

I am thankful for being poor so I can understand my fellow man

I am thankful for having everything I could want and doing all I can

I am thankful for hearts who have given me their all

I am thankful for my losses that helped me to stand tall

I am thankful for the trials that have taught me the meaning of fidelity

I am thankful for the brothers who died that I may hold their memory 

I am thankful for my friends who have cared about me along the way

I am thankful for this morning that heralds this brand new day.


Core of Stillness

In the stillness of the predawn night,
strange thoughts and desires steal all light.

Alone silent figures slide hidden,
coming to my side unbidden.

They whisper to my fears and loneliness
stirring primal urges within my breasts.

Desires forbidden the bid my embrace,
and of sinful temptation they bid me partake.

I can not allow my heart to succumb
for if I do my life will be undone.

For I can then see that at my core,
frail and weak I am nothing more.


This journey we call life is a curious road
We travel alone in the midst of a crowd
No one can follow exactly in our way
And we never know where to go each day

We can be master of all walk tall and proud
Or be a slave to whims of others around
Neither is wrong, yet neither is right
Whatever helps get through the dark night

By far it is better to be one or the other
Than to be trapped between another
So choose a path that suits your call
And walk it true, let it be your all



I sit alone
My curtains are drawn 
The silence envelopes me
Cradles me in its loneliness
I hear a voice of reason
But I cannot listen
It speaks again
Shouts for my attention
But I do not hear
I see the light penetrate
My minds intense darkness
But cannot move towards it
It grows bright
Beckons me to notice
A beacon in my night's sea
But I turn, and let it fade

To You: I Promise

I can’t promise we won’t ever fight
I can’t promise we’ll always agree
So instead I promise you
You’re the only one I’ll see

I can’t promise you that I’ll be strong
In fact at times I’m weak
So instead I promise you
I’ll listen when you speak

I can’t promise you a fantasy
From a fairytale you'll read
So instead I promise you
I’ll be there when you need

I can’t promise that I am the best
That I’ll win you with my charms
So instead I promise you
A place here in my arms

I can’t promise you gold or riches
Or the stars from up above
So instead I promise you
.....My everlasting love.

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